A Spin on Slang

The hubby and I have a general distaste for being like everyone else. We take pride in being different than mainstream society so when he came home today expressing that he no longer wanted to use slang, I wasn’t surprised.
“How about not using contractions”? I suggested. That is a difficult task for [I find] the American- English is full of idle syntax. He relished the idea. I originally got the idea from some stupid tv show on UPN last week where a character dumped a guy because he would not use contractions.
In a lengthy discussion we had decided that we will:

avoid the use of contractions (can’t is now cannot; don’t is do not)

use proper terms of a forgotten era (like parasol instead of umbrella; directional or indicator for car blinker)

make $hit up and be creative (I’ve been saying “shoot a monkey” for years!)

use slang that has not been used for decades (I’ve been familiar with “Gosh Darn” (I NEVER say God D*** and I discourage people from saying it around me..it’s the Catholic school girl in me), “Groovy”, and “Pishaw”and “Swell” since high school.
We will see what happens. With the babe learning how to talk now, we do not want her to be one of those potty mouthed urchins on the playground.